Amsterdam

I haven’t had a chance to write since it was the end of the semester and then I had to get ready for my trip to Europe. I was in London last week and now I’m in Amsterdam. On Sunday we head to Stockholm. I’m here studying Human Sexuality but of course so much more is going on other than class.

This class consists of 12 female students, our male Graduate Assistant, professor, her daughter and her nephew to watch her daughter while we’re in classes. This all makes for some interesting social dynamics.

I’m not really someone who likes to go out to bars all the time or dance clubs. I’m also not a huge fan of females either. And here I am, stuck with 11 other 20-somethings in small hotel rooms for 3 weeks in foreign countries.

This trip has been so socially exhausting that I can’t handle it and I’m in perpetual bad moods and fall into shallow depressions easily. I don’t feel like I fit in with the group but if I stop trying to be super social, red flags will fly.

I’m currently hanging out in the hallway of my hotel so I’m not accidentally stupid (& it’s one of the few spots I get wifi in). I really wanted to go smoke to help me feel better but I don’t have a lighter and the patio is closed at about 9pm. It’s currently 1145pm.

I don’t feel like I’m in a depressive episode or starting one but I know this obsessive need to drink so I’m not in reality is a sign. I don’t want to talk to my boyfriend about this because he’s back home in the States and is worried enough as it is. I also no longer care about going off and being a tourist because that means dealing with people. I’m stuck in this lose-lose situation for another week.

I joined this class thinking that I’d have so much fun and get to learn about a subject I’m interested in but the fun wore off really fast and now it’s all too much.

In fact, I can hear some of my group below me and it makes me feel worse that I don’t want to see any of them. I don’t want to deal with them but I know that I socially isolate myself and make my social interaction issues worse.

Finals are back again!

Finals… so we meet again..
Can we not?
.. Oh, I still have several semesters yet.
Damn.

Who else feels like that?
It always ends up being such a time of stress for so many people. It’s so important to take some time to relax.. Breathe… Sleep.

Sleep is especially important. You may think that staying up all night is a wonderful idea but it isn’t. Lack of sleep can equate to drunkenness. Would you take your finals drunk? No? Then why take your finals sleep deprived? Sleep deprivation also wont help your memory retention. You’ll remember the information you need better after sleeping on it.

I know that sleeping during finals is hard but try to get some sleep. It will help your memory, help you do better on your finals and reduce your stress. It’s a win-win-win.

So sleep for me please?

Hair donations

Tomorrow I’m donating my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths.

I’m extremely nervous as well.

I long having long hair. Hair is my security blanket as well as being the easiest thing for me to change. I usually only do such drastic hair cuts when I go through a high emotional change. Last time, I graduated high school and right before starting college, I broke up with my high school sweetheart. It was a horrible break up and once it was all over I decide I was going to chop off my mid-torso length brown hair because he loved it. I let the salon with chin length hair then dyed it burgundy the day after. It was wonderful emotion venting but then I hated it within a week. Tomorrow my hopes is for a pixie or a very short bob. It will be the shortest my hair has ever been.

I have a friend doing it with me as well so neither of us will chicken out last minute.

For me, my hair is tied very close to me, my personality and my femininity. It may seem weird but I was always the one with the hair that everyone loved. When I was little, I could sit on my hair it was so long. Then adding in the fact that this isn’t being done with some sort of emotional upheaval is weird.

It’s going to be a big change and it will take a lot of getting used to but I’m glad my hair can go to a good cause. I can only imagine how I would feel losing my hair at 21 because of chemo. I would have lost a huge piece of myself & femininity. My hope is that my hair can help make a women feel beautiful again.

Winter

I live in a place where winter is the longest season and not just because it feels the longest either. It looks gorgeous outside with the snow covered  hills and the snow illuminated under all the street lights but it still brings me down. I’ve grown up here and decided to stay local for college to save money. I love the snow and the cold but since my Bipolar reared its ugly head, winters have become more and more of a drag.

I know a lot of it is just my body and the winter because I have plenty of reasons to be happy. Hell, Sunday was a magical day spent with A for out anniversary. Day to day is just a total drag though.

At this very moment I should be doing homework. I have one assignment due at midnight and another that was due a week ago but I have zero motivation to do any of it. I don’t even have the motivation to shower which is usually my time to relax or to have ‘me time’.

Sometimes I look forward to moving to the West Coast in a few years but that also makes me wonder how Northern winters will effect me when I come back and visit or if I end up back here again.

Just a Thought…

I feel like I got ripped off when it comes to creativity and Bipolar.

Those with Bipolar are supposed to be often extremely creative and artistic in some shape or form but I’ve never been able to fine tune any sort of artistic ability.

That is what pisses me off the most about being Bipolar.

Winter Reading

Well, I only finished two books during the month because I decided to read two novels that were 600-1000 pages each. The 1000+ page novel I started reading after New Years when I got it so I really didn’t have much time before going back to classes to finish it. Hopefully I can actually read during spring break and I’m not stuck writing tons of papers during those two weeks. I also might be moving at that same time so it promises to be a busy March.

Anyways, I know I haven’t blogged in awhile. I’m trying to create the habit but it’s hard to do starting out. I’m setting the goal of at least monthly postings. I plan on two posts before January is over so Yay for making the goal! If I can keep up with the monthly, I’ll move to bi-monthly postings as long as my school work doesn’t suffer.

I hope all my wonderful followers enjoyed their holidays/winter break/relaxing day at home/vacation or whatever you did over the last month! I promise to be back soon!

The Other Boleyn Girl

I read The Other Boleyn Girl by Phillipa Gregory in about four days. It had me pulled into the story of Anne and Mary Boleyn in Henry VIII’s England.

Most people know of Anne Boleyn. Henry VIII’s second wife who couldn’t have a son and was eventually beheaded on adultery charges. This book is about Mary Boleyn, her younger sister who was also a mistress of Henry VIII.

The Other Boleyn Girl was extremely intriguing historical fiction. This novel is based around historical fact that can be traced back and looked up. Most conversations, feelings and such are the fiction part. Gregory does a wonderful job of filling in the bits, keeping you wholly entertained and keeping true to the truth.

Basically: Mary married William Carey. Later became Henry VIII’s mistress and had two children with him. Anne caught the king’s eye. Carey died. Henry sought to get rid of Queen Catherine. Anne had her hold on Henry. Mary secretly marries William Stafford. When the families finds out, they’re all horribly angry because Stafford is a ‘nobody’. Anne eventually became Queen of England. Anne can’t carry son to term. Henry has their marriage annulled on adult charges. Anne is beheaded.

Everyone knows those bits of the story. It’s not a spoiler. It’s the how that Gregory does that keeps you so tied up in the story. So much happens in what seems like such little time. I was frequently caught off guard by ages of people because I didn’t think that so many years had passed.

I highly suggest reading it. I plan to read others by Gregory.

Enjoy!

Know Your Anon!

Hello everyone!

This post is where you can learn all about me. For those of you who don’t know, I’m writing under an anonymous name. I’m not quite comfortable with blogging out in the open yet so everyone knows nothing about me. And I kinda like that.

I’m barely 21and go to college full time as a social work student. I live with my awesome boyfriend and two of our friends.

I’m also adopted (Jade Myra was my name at birth until I was adopted) and my adoptive dad died when I was younger. I constantly struggle with body issues and was anorexic and over exercised through most of my life. I wouldn’t trade any of the struggle or hurt because I love where I ended up and where I’m heading.

I’m in a service sorority on my campus and I love it. It lets me do my usual service activities while expanding my options and meeting awesome people (I actually met my boyfriend through my service sorority and his fraternity).

Winter and I have a love/hate relationship. I love how gorgeous the snow is but I hate being cold all the freakin’ time.

I figured I’d just do basics tonight, plus I should be studying for an exam this week. So, have a great night everyone!

I’m Back (Again)

So, last time I came back, I said I would BE back.

Well, life likes to have other plans. And that makes me sad.

I’m a full time student taking 12 credits (I’ve taken 9 for the past year or so) who works 20-30hrs a week while volunteering at least 3-4hrs a week. That makes time to blog really hard. I’ve been working really hard on my classes because I’ve done so horribly over the past year. I’m looking forward to my future and my degree.. I want to know I worked hard and earned it.

I also plan on running for Service Vice President of my sorority at the end of the semester. I’m looking forward to working hard and doing big things.

I miss blogging though. It let me just write and get shit out there. For those who don’t know, I’m writing as an anon. I’m not that comfortable with putting my actual name out there yet. I plan on my next post giving you more information about me.

It’s late for me and I’m supposed to be doing a take home exam so I will be back.

Stressful Week

So, I’m posting twice in one night because it’s been kind of crazy the last few weeks. I helped my boyfriend & future roommates move their apartment, my Jeep needs a new battery so I have to keep bumming rides off my boyfriend & mother, and then I stopped into my apartment last night and right off the bat got asked when I can move out by.

Duuuuhh…

So in less than15hrs, I moved everything but my canoe & baking pans that they lost. Which I’m getting the canoe tomorrow. Most of the moving took place between 1am & 3am. Luckily my mum, her boyfriend & my boyfriend are all super helpful.

Now I officially live with my boyfriend. Now that turned out horribly with my last boyfriend but this one is actually functioning as an adult.

This whole post could get me fired up so I’m not going to let it. Just know, I’ve been wicked stressed. I’m so glad the kids started behaving better after their mother left.